did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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