i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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