hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A+ Viking dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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