yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
