Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That accounts for only three of the penises
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
