The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
