the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
