My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
