How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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