you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
