Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
