Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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