remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
