The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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