I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
