Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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