Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
