Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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