im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
