she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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