I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The maid of honor just puked.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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