SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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