Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
