She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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