A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
