Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am naked and annoyed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
