i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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