OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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