I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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