Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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