Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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