Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this just has baby written all over it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
