There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
