dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
