I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
