my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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