how can u be prego again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
