I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Randomize
