My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In other news, I just burned my penis
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
