i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
