went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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