Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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