I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
