Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
