In America we eat man semen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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