Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
