I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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