If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
