Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
