Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
