I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
