I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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