She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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