Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.