I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.