thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!