Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed