two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
