Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
