that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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