So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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