youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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