mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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