her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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