Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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