i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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